Miracles happen!

After a long time I am sitting at my desk again with the desire to share some of my incredible life changing experiences that I had over the last few months. So much has happened, it is difficult to decide where to start, I guess with the fact that a miracle happened in my life. Another one, but with an incredible impact – I became pregnant last year and yes, it was a miracle, because I had been told by doctors that at that specific time I wouldn´t be able to for medical reasons.


Since I can remember, when thinking about having a child, I knew that I never wanted to give birth in a hospital, it was a knowing that became clearer with every step that I walked during pregnancy. I realized that I did not want to give control of such a life changing and magical process into the hands of someone else, like doctors or nurses. I knew that I didn´t want to be in unfamiliar surroundings with artificial lights, medicine, strangers and time pressure! Giving birth is a too powerful path, that women - rich or poor, in deserts, jungle or highest mountain, young or not so young have walked for thousands of years and as I was given the opportunity in this life time to be a mother, then I wanted it to be completely my way and to claim the complete power of being a woman!

When I met my midwife for the first time, she performed a control, which I believed was going to be like in hospital. But I was going to be very mistaken. After three hours of intense conversation I dried my tears, because our conversation didn´t only involve general health questions but more so went into detail about my whole life and the one of my husband: questions about violence at home, alcohol, drug or any other abuse, illnesses, depression, past relationships, family background, our relationship, financial situation etc.

Along my path of self-discovery, the desire to heal and to let go of past traumas I believed that I had cleansed, transformed and processed most of my stories, but I was mistaken. When we still hold feelings like anger, pain or fear towards a certain story, it means that it is still affecting our current life. And an emotional non-attachment and final release was profoundly important for my planned home birth, so we don´t pass on our past traumas to our babies! With the raise of global consciousness, it is time to change our family histories: the pain, suffering, restriction, fear and limitation that has been passed on from generation to generation through unconscious behavior, acting and educating. Every one of us has the opportunity to change the course through desire, strength and faith to look at our deepest shadows and to let go, transform, bring inner peace. Only then we can bring different humans into this life, who are more conscious, more connected to their heart and humanity – and this was and is my big dream and what this world needs so desperately.

My midwife left with words that really shook us, my husband and me: “I will see how well you have worked on yourselves, the day you will give to your child. Will you bring your child into this world at home or end up with a cesarean in a hospital?” Yes, it sounded frightening and empowering at the same time, because I KNEW I wanted to finally finish with my stories from the past and bring my child into this world at home at whatever cost!! I didn’t want to feel a victim anymore, I didn’t want to carry on crying about inner struggle, pain and confusion. I needed to feel strong, safe and protected, so I could be an example to my child. Once again I entered into my world of pain, victimization, dis-empowerment, but this time without attachment to the mind, which often asks for more suffering, but out of a place of power and as an observer so the process would not harm my little baby, which was growing inside me. Specific rituals helped me along the way.

You can imagine, as a consequence my pregnancy wasn´t really relaxing, but quite a lot of work so I would get my mind, body and soul into shape – really until the last moment before birth.

And it was totally worth it! I was able to bring my child into this world at home during the most empowering, intense and magical birthing night that I could have imagined. Surely it wasn’t an easy, orgasmic or short birth, but for me perfect enough. And magic became a different meaning: I held it in my arms – sleeping, breathing, still so small, fragile and vulnerable. We, my husband and I had died the same night to be reborn as father and mother.

Stay tuned to read over the next few weeks in more detail how the pregnancy and arrival of my baby affected my dogs and their soul level work with me, how motherhood influences my intuition now, in which ways my baby has made me understand more about myself, women and our life path, our connection and work together and what the bigger picture for women can be to have a baby. And surely much more will evolve.