Many people have asked me how I have been doing since the death of Inti. So, I am called to share more of the profound messages which Inti brought with his death. I am a professional animal and human intuitive, I know that every encounter holds a soul contract and normally, a physical separation means the ending of it, but not always.
The moment Inti died in my arms, he said: “Your biggest fear can turn of your light” (to mention here again that his name INTI=sun and his biggest fear had been the sounds of explosives or gun shots, which had killed him at the end during a walk at our sacred mountain.)
When Inti died the day of 21 – 01 I knew deep inside me that with his death our work had not finished yet. Every day I learn more to TRUST my inner knowing, but I just couldn´t put my finger on the missing puzzle piece. At times, guilt of failure surrounded my mourning. I have been in a big healing process for the last few months, working on a therapeutic basis on healing ancestral wounds and programs that also profoundly affect us and of course our children.
Exactly one month after his death (people connected to numerology: it was the 20 – 02 – 2020- absolute portal time) I was confronted with my BIGGEST FEAR, knocking on the door of existence, I found out something that destroyed so much of my life, something that I had feared the most - and it somehow put the death of Inti into a shadow.
The consequences of the happenings since emotionally killed me. It still does, but I feel it would have killed me even more (if that was possible) if the sacrifice of Inti had not prepared me physically, emotionally and spiritually. Inti´s death had brought me to my knees and before getting up, let´s pull everything out, seemed to be the message of the Sacred Gods and Goddesses. Life is an onion, layers to be shed over and over again. We may think, now I am done with healing and cleansing, but is it really so? Eagle´s eyes know so much better – and really, deep inside out fears constantly knock on the door. Be humble, be grateful, keep looking around the corners of the dark shadows that want to be explored, especially here in the Sacred Valley of Peru many medicine people walk the ground. And it is our obligation when we want to help, support, guide and accompany other people on their life path to CONSTANTLY look at ourselves, to constantly heal and transform.
My biggest fear was the realization of a profound emptiness inside me, triggered by an event exactly one month after Inti´s death, that shook my ground. The realization of this emptiness was not only mine, because it was too deep, too dark, too profound. We hold the DNA of our ancestors, we carry their stories, wanting it or not.
And I with these happenings I not only mentally, but also emotionally and physically got to understand this feeling of SEPARATION and EMPTYNESS. They have been robbed of their Earth Gods and connection to the whole centuries ago, they lived so many wars followed by the industrial revolution, globalization etc. with the consequence of separation, control, domination, envy, jealousy, a desire to fill this emptiness with material things, holidays, addictions of all kinds, possession, unhealthy relationships.
I DID NOT want to see it, but don´t want my son to live this burden, I want to find a life in inner peace, so it is MY RESPONSIBILITY to bring light once again into my past. And my dog INTI will accompany me from the other side on this new healing journey.
For a long time I believed (and tried to live) that we should live in the present moment, neither look at the past nor future but I realized that the shadows are always behind us, an invisible package that we take with us wherever we go. I cannot live in peace when I am not in peace with myself and my past. I am negating, pushing out of the way what wants to be seen, understood, embraced and felt. I cannot attract when I haven´t cleared and cleansed, because deep inside will always be the fear that sometimes doesn´t let me sleep at 3am in the morning.
When I came to the Sacred Valley my husband and I manifested and dreamed of what we want to create and fulfill living here. The Universe had a different plan first. I manifested but with the shadow of a profound fear. And I attracted that fear into my life, made the demon a physical reality. And Inti in his divine light reminds me, that I only have one life, it is my opportunity to heal it NOW, to not look away anymore, to confront this demon.
In gratitude to the sacred Apus (great mountain spirits) of the Andes, Taita Inti, Mama Killa, the sacred elements of fire, water, earth and wind, the spirit animals, our guides.
Sacred water heal my emotions, clear and cleanse to flow again with life.
For the first time I I feel deeply connected to my ancestors, asking them for guidance and support in the strength of perseverance, knowing of loss and how to get up from the ashes. Thank you my grandfathers and grandmothers for not having lost the connection to Mother Earth. Here in I finally recognize these gifts in you, that you brought forward in me and at these challenging times asking for your support to understand, heal and transcend whatever is necessary – for me, for my son, for the peace of my ancestors, for the future generations. May you be blessed from the Sacred Valley of Peru.
A (long) path of healing working on forgiveness, reconnection and self-love is awaiting me still, but I am profoundly grateful for the realization. And determined to bring this puzzle piece back to my soul.